


if only

by KQfucker69



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: All hurt no comfort, Gen, M/M, Mentions of Cole Anderson, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 13:04:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15340467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KQfucker69/pseuds/KQfucker69
Summary: events in fic happen before connor comes along.





	if only

**Author's Note:**

> events in fic happen before connor comes along.

It’s noon.

Gavin sits with his feet up on his desk, phone in hand. Every now and then he glances up from it, looking around the office.

He’s seen pretty much all the DPD officers walk in and maybe out by this time. All except Lieutenant Hank Anderson. Hank’s desk had been unoccupied since Gavin had come in to work early, and it still is. Dirty coffee mugs and stale donuts in their box litter his desk amongst random paperwork.

For the fifth time today, Gavin glances towards the corridor leading from the entrance of the DPD to where all the cubicles are situated. He quite likes the vantage point that the position of his desk gives him. From it he can see whoever walks in and out of this place easily.

Of course then he would be observant of how punctual each officer is. And Hank by far has the worst record in punctuality.

Well, it isn’t like Gavin has any business to do with the man. He just likes to poke his nose into business not his own, a habit which, funnily enough, had been how he had gotten the little scar across the bridge of his nose.

He goes back to his phone, sliding over to his desktop occasionally whenever it looks like Fowler is about to leave his office.

About an hour or two later, Hank finally walks in, and Gavin spots him early on. He plants a condescending smirk upon his lips in greeting when Hank makes eye contact with him as he shambles past Gavin to go to his desk.

Hank’s face is blank of expression. He doesn’t even respond to Gavin’s mocking stare. Too worn down, he merely looks Gavin dead in the eye for a brief moment before breaking the contact.

Gavin watches Hank take a seat heavily in his swivelling chair, hunched over his desk and rubbing at eyes wearily.

 _He’s become so…_ pathetic _now._ Gavin makes an expression of distaste and disappointment for the man. Once upon a time, that man had been the one a fresh-faced Gavin Reed straight out of the academy had looked up to greatly.

Lieutenant Hank Anderson had graduated top of his class back in the academy, had been part of the distinguished Red Ice Task Force, had become the youngest lieutenant in the history of the DPD and had a number of high-profile arrests to his name. What was there not to admire?

Young Gavin was enamoured of him. Young Gavin was extremely pleased when he got promoted to the rank of detective and could work on more cases with Hank. Young Gavin had been in love with the reputable Hank Anderson.

When the lieutenant had his son, Gavin would watch him from across the bullpen, just like in the present, but with a softer expression. Hank had been his happiest then. Always cheery and smiling in the office no matter how gruelling a day he had had. The thought of his son waiting for him at home lifted his spirits greatly. He’d talk to anyone and everyone about Cole, even to Gavin. Gavin had known everything there was to know about Cole Anderson.

Then came the day when there would be no more son to wait for Hank at home. And since then Hank was never the same. Caught in a downward spiral of grief from of the loss of his son and his divorce from his wife, Hank’s condition had deteriorated and Gavin had watched with his heart growing ever heavy in his chest.

Gavin had tried to help. He really had. But Hank had become so closed off to everything else except alcohol. He wouldn’t listen, would barely even look at Gavin on a good day. Hank had changed for the worse, affecting their professional relationship, and Gavin eventually changed, too. He started hating Hank. Hated how everyone tried to help Hank but the man refused to help himself.

Unfortunately, the Gavin of today still somehow loves him despite it all. He hates himself more than he does Hank for not being able to get over the lieutenant after all these years, after his decline. All the hate in him manifested into an ugly personality he cloaked himself with to protect himself and to put on a show to hide everything under the surface.

Gavin doesn’t understand Hank. He can’t. Disappointed in Hank and himself, he can only mock Hank now, hoping that it relieves some of the hurt that he feels when he looks at Hank.

But it doesn’t stop hurting. Never has.

His eyes glaze over as he stares at Hank, thinking back to the one and only time he had confessed to Hank. It happened a little over two years ago, just a few months after Cole’s death, in the break room.

_Hank’s back is turned to him, stirring his coffee slowly. He stands with a sad slouch to his posture, a broken man. Gavin purses his lower lip as he watches Hank. Debates on whether he should approach Hank with what’s on his mind._

_When Hank turns he accidentally drops his mug from the shakes and it breaks into pieces on the floor, his coffee seeping out across the ground slowly. Gavin makes his move. He runs over to Hank, grabbing a cloth from the sink and pressing it against the coffee. It turns brown as it absorbs the hot liquid. Hank stands, staring at the mess he made, expressionless. Gavin looks up and finds himself unable to even swallow at Hank’s empty eyes._

_“I’ll take care of it, Hank. Go sit down.”_

_Hank gives a weak nod and does as told, taking a seat by one of the round tables. After Gavin cleans up his mess, he goes over to join Hank._

_“You okay?”_

_The older man doesn’t reply to his question, twisting his fingers together, jaw clenched. After a moment, he finally speaks. “Why are you being so nice to me?”_

_That catches Gavin off-guard. “What? I’ve always been nice to you.”_

_“I don’t need your pity, Reed. Don’t need anyone’s fucking pity,” Hank says bitterly._

_“We’re just worried. Hank, you’re not being yourself.” The lieutenant hasn’t called him by his surname in years. It hurts._

_“Yeah? You don’t know me,” Hank snaps, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away._

_“Then_ let _me know you. So I can help you.”_

 _Hank slams his hand onto the table, scaring Gavin. “I don’t_ need _your help! Don’t think that I don’t know that you just want to fucking kiss my ass and climb all the ladders you can get your hands on. You don’t really give a fuck about me.” Hank says in a mocking voice, "_  Oh, poor Hank. Lost his fucking son, losing his fucking mind. _I see it in everyone’s eyes.”_

 _Gavin snaps at his accusation, stinging white hot pain of upset_ _blazing through his chest and into his head. “I don’t really give a fuck about you? You don’t know me either then. You never fucking knew me. So don’t fucking start talking like you know jack shit about me, too. I probably_ was _that ass-kissing greenhorn cop to you all those years, huh?” Gavin asks, but Hank remains silent. It’s getting hard to talk now, but still he chokes out the words that he will regret confessing for years to come. “I’m trying to help you,” he swallows, “Because I love you. I’ve loved you for years, Hank. I cared. But it probably doesn’t matter now.”_

_Hank only glares at him in reply, and Gavin has to storm out then, before the hot tears in his eyes threatening to spill over actually do so._

Why did he do it? What had he been thinking? Nothing good could have come out of it. Hank was still wallowing in his grief and Gavin wasn’t the person Hank needed or wanted in the moment.

He could never do things right. It only makes sense that he’d stop trying. Hank has never brought that day up since then. Not that they talk very much at all these days. Gavin is glad for it. He doesn’t need to be confronted by his truth, one that still holds true and still hurts like a motherfucker.

His eyes refocus, vision sharpening again. Sees that Hank is staring back at him. Gavin turns away, making himself busy with work.

**Author's Note:**

> not a very good fic - messy - but this is a good ship....lots of opportunity for pain and angst. it hurts but im a sad bitch recently so like. good stuff yknow. 
> 
> about gavin here: i think gavin lacks the maturity to reason with hank properly...it's hard to speak to people who are hurting bc sometimes they say awful things and to be able to take that and understand that they don't mean it, that they're usually just lashing out as a result of their pain...it takes Something, i think. and i don't think gavin can handle that. he'd probably just lash back at them.


End file.
